Hydrangea
by hikachu
Summary: Osaka, Taisho Era. A few years after the end of the First World War, Makoto Tachibana, young heir to an impoverished noble family, finds himself agreeing to a loveless marriage with the eccentric but well-off Haruka Nanase, whose father seems oddly eager to see his only daughter married off. AU. Eventual Makoto/fem!Haruka, past RinHaru. De-anon from the kink meme.
1. like a mermaid

Viscount Nanase's only child was a fine-boned young woman. A true Japanese beauty, with her glossy black hair and small hands and small feet and moonlight skin and, most important of all, her quiet demeanor.

It was, apparently, common knowledge, but Makoto Tachibana – son of Baron Tachibana – was only learning about it now, in his father's studio, before a sweet scented cup of black tea and Viscount Nanase himself.

"Due to her poor health, my Haruka was never able to make many friends, and as her father I can't help but worry, seeing her so lonely: Makoto-kun, your father tells me you are the same age as her. Would you mind meeting with Haruka one of these days?"

Somehow, the question made Makoto feel as though as all the anxiety and uncertainties of the people in the room were piling up on his shoulders.

It was weird, he thought, that a Viscount would ask the son of an impoverished Baron to keep his precious, only daughter company. Moreover, it was impossible not to notice the obvious desperation in Viscount Nanase's eyes. For an empathetic person like Makoto, it was painful to watch.

He glanced at his father, and saw the tense, sickly pale face of a man he didn't know.

Trapped, Makoto forced a polite smile and declared that he would be honored to meet the kind Viscount's daughter. The flowers in the spring garden were finally starting to bloom, so perhaps they could arrange to have tea next week, when the cherry trees would be at their most beautiful? Surely, they could in no way compare to the ones in the Nanase family's famous garden, however Makoto would still be very happy, if he could show them to Haruka-san.

He did not expect the Viscount to bow his head to him. Nor the strained voice that offered a broken _thank you very much_: it sounded like the voice of a man about to cry.

There was definitely something off about all this.

It was only hours later when, in bed and unable to fall asleep, Makoto realized: at her age, her father should be looking for suitors, not playmates.

* * *

Haruka Nanase was indeed as beautiful as the rumors said.

She sat still and quiet with a pretty ribbon in her hair just like a doll.

Her appearance, Makoto noted, wasn't the only doll-like thing about her.

Her expression was still like the surface of a lake. Empty like glass. She did not talk unless required as per basic etiquette or her father's interjections, and she did not show any sort of emotion.

She merely stared ahead, at something behind Makoto's shoulder: probably the window, he decided. Around this time of the day, the small pond in the garden sparkled like a diamond under the sun, projecting a dozen tiny stars through the parlor. It was easy to be distracted by something like that.

When he'd drained his cup of tea and Haruka's lay, still untouched and lukewarm, before her, Baron Tachibana invited his son to show young miss Nanase the garden.

He did so with a forced laugh and Makoto understood that, once again, he had no real choice.

Haruka followed obediently, quiet as she had been in the parlor.

"The weather is really nice today, huh?"

It was only by chance that he did not miss the slight bob of her head. The weather was definitely not a good choice as far topics went, it seemed. Too bland, maybe? Too uninteresting? But then again, Haruka seemed to hold no interest in polite conversation, or the world around her in general.

When they reached the pond, Haruka's eyes became wide and alive.

She sat on the rocks at the edge of the water, not caring about grass stains or getting her navy blue hakama dirty. Her eyes seemed trained on the red-and-golden scales that shimmered beneath the surface.

It was the first time Makoto saw her show interest in anything. Maybe this is my chance, he thought, and took a deep breath.

"Haruka-san, do you like the carps? My little sister finds them cute."

"Not really," her voice was low and neutral. She didn't even raise her head to look at him. "Fish is delicious, I guess. But, what I like is water."

Makoto felt his smile falter. _What do you even say to that?_

"Ah, I see. I... I suppose that makes sense. Haruka-san's family owns several ships, after all. Have you have traveled with your father?"

She shook her head.

"I just like water."

Makoto watched her fingertips create ripples that spread in circles all over the surface. Haruka dipped her hand into the water and it lapped at her wrist, at the hem of her long kimono sleeve, in small waves. Something like a smile appeared on her lips, and for the first time Makoto really noticed her eyes: they were the same color of the sky – or the sea – during a storm.

From above, he could also see the nape of her neck with the bump of the first vertebra; the beginning of her back.

Makoto swallowed. His face was aflame. _I am the worst_.

He was thinking of a way to atone when Haruka dived into the pond.

* * *

"I am sorry! I am terribly sorry!"

Viscount Nanase was again showing that submissive demeanor that made Makoto uncomfortable.

His only daughter could have drowned. Any other man would have accused Makoto for not paying attention, or possibly even suspect him of having pushed her himself. Instead, this man who ranked far above his family and was one of the richest in Osaka, was apologizing to them.

"Please, overlook this shameful behavior on my daughter's part. That foolish girl is always, _always_—"

"Viscount. Please, do not blame Haruka-san. The grass around the pond is damp and slippery. If anything, I should have been more careful and warned her."

Makoto heard himself talk before he realized what was happening. His own voice surprised him.

He was lying and he was sure the Viscount was aware of it, but he felt that whatever had made Haruka decide to jump into the water like that shouldn't be blamed on her. _Not on the daughter you are trying so desperately to sell_.

"Makoto-kun..." the man seemed taken aback. "I did hear about your kindness from my friends, which is why I had hoped that you would get along with Haruka..."

_No, that would be, you heard about my father's debts. You assumed that I couldn't refuse your daughter, no matter what happened or what she did._

The idea made Makoto feel ashamed and miserable all at once. He thought back on Haruka's small body resting in the guest room, and wondered how she felt about him and her father and the situation—or if her sealed heart was protecting her against it all.

Viscount Nanase attempted to gulp down some heavy lump in his throat and failed. He had the face of a man about to pass out.

"If... If it is your wish to keep pursuing this... friendship, in spite of what happened today, there is something that you should know, Makoto-kun. Though I am filled with shame in revealing my failure as a father, I simply cannot afford to prioritize my selfish pride in this instance... I hope that you won't think any less of me or my daughter, afterwards."

It was a promise Makoto knew, inside his heart, that he couldn't make, but as Baron Tachibana's son, he could only nod.

"Please, talk to your heart's content."

The Viscount dabbed his glistening forehead with an off-white handkerchief, then, before continuing with his confession, he took a deep breath.

"Years ago, I received a recommendation letter from an old friend of mine, a teacher, asking me to take in a student of his. The boy was a commoner, but very smart, and my friend was convinced that it would be a terrible waste, if he was made to quit his studies because of his origins and lack of connections. His name was Rin Matsuoka..."


	2. Decision

Makoto's hand trembled as he knocked against the door to the guest room.

It was their family doctor that allowed him inside. Haruka seemed asleep under the white sheets (_too white, it looks like a hospital bed_, Makoto thought he should ask the maids to change them to something more colorful), with her face turned towards the wall.

(_She has been like that since birth. Always disinterested in everything and everyone, living in a world of her own. My wife and I tried all we could, even sought out the help of a renowned specialist from Europe. Nothing worked. We were at our wit's end. Then, that boy came along—_)

The doctor wiped some metal tool clean and put it back into the worn leather bag that Makoto had known since childhood.

"Nanase-sama is fine—all thanks to young master's promptness, of course."

"Oh no, not at all, I—"

The old man with his short, pointy beard coughed.

"You must pardon my forwardness, however, as someone who has served the Tachibana family for decades, I feel that it is also my duty to warn you. This young lady's body looks very frail, and too thin. Her breasts," – the word made Makoto blush – "are small, her hips narrow. She doesn't seem very suited to birthing children."

_Ah. Ah, he knows. Everyone knew before me._

"I found that for someone who is supposedly too delicate to socialize, Nanase-sama was unexpectedly healthy. I wonder then, if _this_," the doctor patted a hand on his stomach significantly, "isn't the real problem. I hear it took Viscount Nanase and his honorable wife many years, before they were blessed with a child. Such issues are notoriously hereditary."

(_They followed each other around like ducklings. I thought it was a good thing, that Haruka was finally getting better. I was a fool. I was too permissive. I found out too late. Matsuoka had already... taken advantage of her by then._)

Makoto gritted his teeth. Fought with himself so that his smile wouldn't falter.

"Thank you for your concern, doctor, from the bottom of my heart. However, nothing has been decided so far, and what matters right now is that Haruka-san is well."

He stayed behind when the doctor left the room: he wanted to look at the girl in the bed; hoped, irrationally, that he would find some answer or at least a bit of reassurance in the clean lines of her face.

Makoto thought she was beautiful, but that it would be better if she could always have that look she had shown before the pond. He thought that her almost boyish body only made him want to wish for her happiness even more. He thought that, even as he felt betrayed and trapped and confused, it would have been nice, if he were allowed to protect this person and understand her.

_That's a big brother's instinct for you_.

"What that old man said is probably true."

"Eh?"

Makoto blinked, finding himself staring at Haruka's pale cheeks and gray-blue eyes.

"We did it many times, but I never had a child."

Haruka's voice was appropriately low and gentle, as expected of a true lady; her words, however, would have been too blunt even for an adventurous young man.

Makoto choked.

"You... You and, um, Rin Matsuoka-kun?"

Haruka's pupils moved to the side, as if to study him better, and she remained silent for a long moment.

"Yes. Maybe, if I did, then they wouldn't have sent him away two years ago."

It was clear from her tone that she wouldn't have spared a thought for her womb, hadn't it been for this now meaningless what-if.

Haruka's voice and the Viscount's rang and overlapped inside Makoto's head: _sent him away_ against _conscription_. But why draft a young man years after the beginning of the war? How did such a thing happen? Makoto himself had been spared only because he was the heir of house Tachibana, and only thanks to his father's connections.

_I thought it was a good thing, that Haruka was finally getting better_, echoed in his thoughts, and Makoto understood that Rin Matsuoka had been effectively _sent away_ once he outlived his usefulness or, rather, once Viscount Nanase found out that he wasn't being useful at all. Not by his standards, at least.

The war was over, had been for a while now, and Rin obviously wasn't back. It wasn't hard to deduce his fate.

"Are you... waiting for him?"

Makoto was almost sure that he would be hated for his question, obtain nothing more than silence, instead, Haruka seemed neither hurt nor taken aback by it.

"He asked me to. He always got mad when I didn't take him seriously. But I just think that I would like it better if he were still here. That's all."

It was the closest thing to a confession someone like Haruka would ever make, Makoto understood that.

"Haruka-san... why are you telling me all this?"

Haruka blinked in a manner that said she was vaguely annoyed.

"Didn't you ask in the first place? Besides, no matter what my father thinks, none of this is a secret. It's simply how things are."

At that moment, Makoto realized that there was absolutely nothing, about Haruka Nanase, that was frail or breakable, no matter what she looked like. She didn't need his protection. But he also couldn't stop himself from wanting to offer it to her.

A big brother's instinct, indeed.

Maybe.


	3. Zugzwang

His parents had tried to dissuade him, claiming that it wasn't necessary, but Makoto knew better.

The Tachibana family could barely keep up appearances, at this point in time. His siblings needed the money and the political support to study in the best institutions and eventually find good marriage partners. He would never allow little, precious Ran to be sold off like Haruka, or Ren to do this in his stead, one day.

He was aware, now, that Haruka's beauty wasn't the only thing she was famous for. That her eccentricity was another, and the fact that she wouldn't bleed on her first night as some man's wife (in the remote chance that such a desperate individual would eventually appear, of course) was a popular subject during indiscreet conversations after dinner at one boring party or another.

He was also aware that he would become a laughingstock, that many, if not most, would think him too simple-minded to refuse their parents' scheming and a deflowered bride, or a beggar or an opportunist, for seeking the money his family urgently needed through such means.

However, Makoto believed that, through hard work, things could always improve and lead to happiness—or something like it. He believed that things didn't need to be perfect to be good; that this was for the best, for everyone involved.

After a few days since the accident at the pond, he donned his best suit and waited, biting the inside of his left cheek nervously, for the Nanase family's butler to announce him.

He was ushered into a small drawing room, where the Viscount was nursing a glass of some kind of strong spirits and a cigar.

His expression was composed, barely allowing for a small, courteous smile when basic politeness demanded it.

It was a controlled, almost solemn expression. A very different one compared to the faces the man had shown before: he must have known the reason behind Makoto's visit, that he had no more reason to fear for his reputation and family honor. All that remained, was a barely concealed giddiness.

It was now Makoto's turn to look pale and feel the sweat running across his back.

He began with: I know it hasn't been very long, but. And followed with a succession of polite white lies and endearments he wished to forget.

At the very least, he had the decency to finish with: if Haruka-san will have me. Makoto thought that was the most important part, after all.

This time, Viscount Nanase didn't say: thank you very much; he didn't bow to him, he didn't look shaken at all.

He only said: I will think about it, I will let my daughter know, and let Makoto go after _he_ offered a deep bow of gratitude.

The family's honor practically saved, Viscount Nanase could walk with his head held high again, and expect others to bow theirs before him.

* * *

Their engagement was going to be one of the shortest in history: it wouldn't last longer than the time required to plan and prepare everything for the ceremony, and even that was to be done as quickly as possible.

It was decided that Makoto would marry into the Nanase family, being that there was no male heir to continue the line, whereas the Tachibana family, even deprived of their firstborn, would still have Ren.

Baron Tachibana tried to reason with Makoto then; he tried to convince him to call off the engagement, but Makoto, though aware that his father cared more about his happiness than the family name and riches, felt that this was his duty as his parents' son. It was the only thing he could do for them and his siblings. Nothing at this point could have convinced him to give up—except Haruka's refusal.

But Haruka, Viscount Nanase assured, had _enthusiastically_ given her consent, and while Makoto had his doubts regarding Haruka being enthusiastic about anything except – apparently – water, he was sure that she would never go along with something she didn't want for herself. The thought came with much relief to Makoto, and also, a strange, unfamiliar kind of warmth that he could not name or define.

Viscount Nanase organized and hosted the engagement party. It was a grand affair, with western food and the promise of fireworks in the evening. Makoto did not doubt that the event's true nature was a carefully planned display of power, to humble the many guests and remind high society that the Viscount had nothing to be ashamed of anymore.

Tired and uncomfortable, he decided to step out, into one of the unused gardens, away from the clamor and the chatter of the guests. He invited Haruka to come along and though she did follow him, she outright ignored the arm Makoto offered her. The rejection felt awkward, but wasn't such a thing to be expected with someone like Haruka? Makoto tried to reassure himself.

"I... I had hoped in a reply to my letter, but I am aware that such things can be tedious and take time and you must have been very busy with the preparations and everything—therefore, p-please, allow me to thank you in person for accepting my proposal, Haruka-san. I shall do my utmost to make you happy."

Haruka watched him bow out of the corner of her eye, quiet and detached as usual.

Makoto felt himself blush and wondered if he might have exaggerated; he feared that she would think him a fool now.

"A reply would have been useless," she murmured, at last. "You should know. Regardless of my opinion, this would have still happened, like the day I was dragged to see you. It was entirely up to you, and you made the choice."

Makoto felt his face burn, then go cold. His palms were sweating. How could he have been so naïve?

"I-I am sorry! I am terribly sorry. I don't know if you will ever find it in yourself to forgive me, but... please, believe me! I was a fool and thought... I thought that if you didn't want this, you could just—just—Haruka-san, I promise I will make up for this! I will never, ever force you to—"

Haruka finally turned around. The sight of her impossibly clear eyes made Makoto fall silent.

"That's not a promise you can make, you know. Freedom is something that belongs to me and only I can give to myself. As long as I stay me, I will always be free."

Makoto wished he knew words that wouldn't sound unnecessary or meaningless or condescending. He wished he could make his feelings into something intelligible and offer them to Haruka.

He wished he could reach out and hold her hand and not feel any guilt for it.

He decided that he would find out the truth about Rin Matsuoka's fate, and if he was still alive somewhere, Makoto would make sure that he and Haruka could see each other again.

Makoto felt his chest tighten painfully.


End file.
